Is it just me, or is the bedroom the last thing you want to think about after delivering a baby?

I mean, besides the thought of laying your sore body in your own bed for several days while you get in all those newborn cuddles. I still remember getting ready to leave the hospital after giving birth to our second daughter, and the nurse asking my husband if we were going to try for a boy. Twelve hours earlier, an 8 lb, 11 oz not-so-little babe hurt my precious lady parts. That aspect of the bedroom was the last thing I wanted to think about.

With Kids Comes a Change in Priorities

Fast forward 20 months later with a wild, energetic three year old and a busy, stubborn one year old. I have found that the “bedroom” is still one of the last things I think about in this busy mom life. Am I the only one? Life happens or, more like, kids happen. And those important bedroom moments can become less and less frequent if we don’t make it a priority. I realized this while traveling with a few of my closest couple friends and the discussion came up. To be totally honest, it made me feel like a bad wife.

Now, I am definitely not saying that sex is the most important thing in a relationship. It is still something that is toward the very back of my never ending to-do list. It’s clearly not a chore. But sex is the last thing on my mind when I’ve been up all night with kids, and I have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work for several hours (taking care of a bunch of 5 year olds, in my case). And make dinner for the family, and feed and bathe the kids, and then, finally, put those tots to bed. 

We Have All Been There

I feel like all of us mommas have been there once or twice, at least. It’s totally okay and totally normal. It was so nice to hear different personal experiences about how we are all in different stages of our lives when we were chatting about the sex life of a busy momma. When your children are older, your bedroom life with your husband may look a whole lot different than it does when you have younger children. I found it to be a nice reassurance, though. It also made me more aware of this “thing” that may be lacking in my own relationship.

Fantasizing About the Bedroom

So many times I have been told it’s important to put your marriage first, and I believe it. But for me, I sometimes find it easier said than done. Let’s be honest, most of us probably put our children first before everything – including ourselves. My sister-in-law is the guru at making sure she has a weekly date night with her husband. And it’s definitely something I aspire to do more often. I know many of us may feel like we are just in survival mode at times, especially if you have little ones. However, I am starting to finally feel like I can put more focus on my spouse. Now that my girls are getting older, and our youngest is becoming more of a toddler. I welcome and look forward to our future date nights!

So if you’re a momma who hasn’t seen that stash of nighties since your wedding night or pre-kid days, it’s totally okay – I am right there with you.

What we fantasize about in our bedroom may change between lying in our comfortable beds, getting a full night’s rest and having some quality time with our husband. I think all of those are things that we could use more of in our mom lives. No matter what stage of life we are in with ourselves, our children or our marriage, it’s all about making the most of it, enjoying the moments and learning how to make those small, meaningful improvements.