An Open Letter to the Dad You Didn’t Have to be

In an open letter to my husband, I share why Father’s Day isn’t just for the kids to celebrate. It’s also a great time for me to share my appreciation for everything he has done and continues to do for our family.

I am an open book, ask anyone, but there are things in this letter that my husband may not even realize. My love and appreciation for him as a father stems from the circumstances around our meeting because that’s when he became a father.

To my loving husband,

There are a lot of people in our lives who are unaware of how we met, and I feel like that really takes away from people seeing just how great you really are. Without the story of how we met, there would be no story of how you became a father. Those go hand in hand because not every father becomes a dad overnight. I have feared judgment and disapproval, but it’s been seven years now…maybe it’s time to share some of the details we kept secret.

Seven years ago you came into my life and slowly over the years you have picked up the pieces of me that were shattered. You made me whole again. Cliche, I know, but I don’t think you even realize the impact you made by choosing us. By not only choosing me, but choosing to become a father to a child that wasn’t biologically yours.

You see, at four months pregnant in March of 2013, I came home from work to find an empty house. The man I thought I loved had taken his things and left me. I really can not describe the horrible gut realization and feeling of sheer loss that hit me as I sank to my knees in the doorway. Every notion of the family I thought I was going to have was lost. A piece of me had broken. I had been emotionally abused and manipulated for a long time. That was the day I decided that I would never be naive enough to fall for someone else so easily.

But then I met you.

In a petty attempt at retaliation, I made a profile on a dating website that I knew my ex frequented. That’s when you messaged me. I’m not going to lie, I thought it was kind of weird that I didn’t scare you off when I told you I was pregnant.

We never really got the traditional dating experience, I chose not to meet you or date until my beautiful girl made her arrival. That didn’t deter you though. You stuck around, and we talked every day for four months.

You waited for me.

You were the first person I talked to after I gave birth. You may not have physically been there, but you were there for me. You were there for her.

Over the next few months it was as if she was always meant to be yours. You chose to be there for her when you didn’t have to be. You stepped into the role of fatherhood so swiftly, I never saw an ounce of hesitation. I remember the first time you rocked her. I remember the day she called you “dada” for the first time. I remember falling in love with you because I watched you fall in love with her.

This is your seventh year celebrating that choice. It’s your seventh Father’s Day, and I just can’t put into words how thankful I am for you. Not many men would take on a role like you did, and that’s why I thought my side of our story would be a good way to express just how much you mean to me, and why Father’s Day is a little extra special for you in my eyes.

To me, this story just says so much about you. Everyone sees your rough exterior, your sarcastic attitude, and your goofy “uncle syndrome” of a personality, but they don’t see your selflessness, your passion, or your commitment. You work so hard to support us. You have even put your dreams on hold to put your family first, and that speaks volumes. Our family has grown over the years, and we have a beautiful boy who looks up to you now as well. He is your spitting image, and I know you share a bond with him that you will never have with our girl, but you would never know it.

All you do for the little feet that run up to you, the arms that reach for you, the eyes that look up to you…does not go unnoticed.

The sacrifices you have made since day one, have never been forgotten. We gained so much the day we met you.

You rebuilt my vision of family, and because of you, I realize I never lost anything the day that I shattered. I still needed to be put back together, but I know now that it was never really my loss. God only made space for you in my life, and I am forever thankful for that.

He placed the father my child truly needed in our reach.

As we celebrate Father’s Day, remember the role of a father is not defined by the blood that is shared between a father and child, it is the bond. Let us celebrate all the fathers in our children’s lives.