Is it just me or does maintaining friendships get harder and harder?
Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and I love my friends. I just question my ability to be a good friend… right now.
I am just a plain out selfish friend these days. Hell, I have to be. My time is so limited. The only free time I have is when I’m in the car to and from work or after 9 p.m. Weekends? Ha! Weekends were a great time to catch up with friends (BC: before children).
When my kids were young, I could get a babysitter and still get out every now and then to catch up with my girls. First of all, do you know how much a babysitter will cost for a mother of four?
Now, that my kids are older, Friday night is pizza and movie night and missing out is the world’s biggest sin. I better have some major bargaining skills if I’m planning on navigating out of the house on a Friday night without them.
Saturdays? OMG! My Saturdays are planned out three weeks in advance with this crew. It is our day to get out of the house and wherever our adventures lead us typically does not bring us back until late in the evening. This means by Sunday we are exhausted and use whatever energy we have left to get ready for the next week!
I find myself categorizing my friends. Who does that?
So to all of my friends, no matter what category you fall in, I am sorry. You all truly impact my life in such wonderful and different ways. I am always so grateful for every minute when we get to catch up. If you call me and I don’t call back, it’s not because I don’t want to talk to you. It’s because I didn’t have an opportunity that day and then probably forgot (along with a million other things I forget).
It’s not that you are not important, it’s just that these little humans require so much of my time and energy.
I just need you to know, you are all so important in my life, whether I show it or not.
To My Best Friends, My Tribe
You really are more like family. I grew up with most of you and we’ve been together from the beginning. We know everything about each other. We do not live in the same areas but we vent to each other when we have time and plan a trip or small get-togethers throughout the year so we can reminisce while listening to old school jams. You are my people. My ride or dies.
To My Kindred Spirits
From the first time I met you, I felt like I have known you for a lifetime. We really get each other. Conversation is never forced and always flows so naturally. I cherish our deep connection and conversations and you really know me on a level most do not. You are more like soul mates and just knowing you enriches my life in so many ways. Getting to catch up with you is always a special treat!
To My Mom Friends
Our kids are probably close in age or on the same teams and we sit together and chat at school or after-school functions. We may not have much in common besides our kids but you are always the first one to lend a hand when I need one. I may not be rapping old school songs with this group but I share major parts of my soul with you. You give me advice and allow me to share/vent to you about the most important people in my life so you are truly so special to me and I could not navigate this life right now without you. Side note: Major score when learning that one of these friends likes to drink as much as wine as you do.
To My Get Down Friends
Yes, you! You are the one I call when I get that rare occasion to get out! You may have kids or you may not. You may not have as many as me or not as young as mine so our home/play balance is a little different. Whatever the situation may be, you’re always so much fun and there’s nothing more exciting than getting a night out with you!
We may not dig deep into life issues or talk about kids, not because I love you any less but because you help me escape for a night to just enjoy and live a little for myself! We see each other and talk to each other the least but only because we are in different stages of our life right now. I appreciate how understanding you are of where I am in life. Thank you for always picking up when I call! I am forever thankful for you.
To My Work Friends
I see you most. I always try and keep you in this category so I can keep my personal life separate from my work life. However, when you spend every day with someone, that gets a little tough and sometimes you slip into other categories! You end up knowing bits and pieces of my life and you are the ones that help me through my bad days.
My work friends are not people that I would typically navigate toward in life but because of the setting that we are in, day by day we slowly learn more about each other and the friendships happen so organically. What I love most about you is how much we learn from each other because we are typically all from different backgrounds, genders, races, sexual orientation, and ages! Learning from your experiences and listening to each other’s life challenges is what really feeds my soul.
So again, to all my friends. I see you. I notice you. I follow you! Most importantly, I miss you!
I am sorry for not being there the way that I once was. I hate not being able to solve the world’s problems with you. I sure wish we were at that show together dancing the night away. Dinner and drinks never sounded more lovely, but I am just not there right now.
Sometimes when I am blessed with a moment, I take it for myself. I may just sit in silence. Ah, silence. It really is something I treasure.
I will be back. I will get there again, one day. But in the meantime know that I love you and appreciate you. My little people just need me the most right now and they have stolen all of my attention. I will continue to call you but, selfishly, on my own time when I get those rare opportunities and I just hope that it aligns with yours.
Thank you for understanding.
XOXO,
Your Selfish Friend
