Infertility & what is our next step?

We want to thank our contributor Merideth Kathmann for sharing her journey with us and with all of you.

When I was younger and imagined what my life would look like one day starting a family - IVF was never what I pictured. Honestly, it never even crossed my mind and I can imagine it usually doesn’t for most people until one day it does, and you’re left wondering how did you end up here.

I quickly learned my husband and I would be going straight to IVF for personal medical reasons. I was 31 when I made my first appointment and I’m now 32 (soon to be 33) and currently pregnant with my 1st child through IVF. When I would tell people we are going straight to IVF - I constantly heard the “We’re praying for you, but you never know… my cousin was told they couldn’t get pregnant and then she did. Honey just start having fun with it and don’t stress!  You need a vacation and maybe then it’ll happen”. All meant to come from a good place, but ultimately it was never just going to happen naturally for us. 

With that being said, I know there are so many hopeful mommas out there wondering “Is this our next step”? Maybe some have had a child and now are having difficulty conceiving the next. Questioning themselves and asking “Where do I even begin? Can we afford this?”.

There’s so many steps to even get started with infertility, and I won’t lie it’s extremely overwhelming at first.

You have to decide first where you’d like to start your journey. Some people will make appointments with multiple facilities and choose their favorite whereas some just go off what others tell them. There’s no wrong way - ultimately nothing will make sense until you’re in the thick of it (and even then I still get confused). Fast forward to having a facility chosen… now comes the testing to determine is IUI or IVF right for you, what are your odds, what is the cost, and if you’re a candidate… when do you want to start your first cycle. It’s a lot of information really fast. Thankfully, there’s people like myself and others that would love to be an open book for those just starting their journey and are overwhelmed. 

Fast forward to you’ve met all the requirements for testing, have chosen which contract you want, decided when you want to start planning your family AND have actually paid in full you will be scheduled for an egg retrieval (something I wish I could go back and tell my 27 year old self DO IT NOW instead of waiting until I was 32). This starts another round of information overload including what medications you need and how often you’ll need them. Day after day, shot after shot — you just want to reach the finish line.

I became very upfront about our journey with our egg retrieval scheduled. I made posts, took pictures, shared the updates even on the days where I or my husband weren’t necessarily up for it. I did that because IVF should not be a taboo subject - and I know so many are scared to discuss because they don’t want the questions and feel it should be private. I agree it is a private matter to an extent, but if my story helps even 1 person make the leap then it was worth it to me. I feel that culture and society has made women feel so insignificant about their bodies that they can’t be open about difficulties with conceiving so we hide from it when instead we should be shouting from the roofs to help our fellow hopeful mommas. My husband and I ended up with 23 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 10 fertilized, 5 made it to blast phase, and 3 of my 5 embryos were genetically normal for transfer. This is good for a first cycle, but not everyone makes it out of the first egg retrieval cycle with embryos. We decided to remain silent regarding our embryo transfers so we could try to have a normal pregnancy and to be able to surprise family and friends.

IVF is hard. It will test you. It will test your resilience and strength. It will take an emotional toll on you. You may even want to give up sometimes, but at the end of the day being able to hold your bundle of joy one day is what keeps you going. 

If you’re struggling with fertility wondering “What is our next step” — I urge you to find a few fertility clinics and make an appointment. Don’t let fear stop you because I promise you’ll find an army of supporters behind you whether you decide to share your story or remain private. IVF is scary and very emotional, but it is also a very beautiful thing that will prove your resilience and show you the strength that you didn’t know you had.

Check the blog soon for a post where I’ll talk more specifics of an IVF cycle, what it entails, and what all that language with the eggs retrieved, nature, fertilized lingo all means.