Packing a Year Away

Packing a year away

Thank you to our contributor, Morgan Bratzler, for sharing her words with us.

I remember being in a room full of people in a pretty dress with my make up done, looking at my sweet round bump, opening all of these gifts I would one day get to use for you…the bottles, the pacifiers, the bottle rack, the warmers and sterilizers, the sheets, the clothes, the hats, the stroller, the car seat. I remember bringing the gifts home and excitedly putting them in their place, washing them and getting ready for you.

I remember leaving the house and looking at all of the things and knowing “I’m going to bring a baby home to use all of this”. I remember coming home from the hospital, not knowing where to set you down and getting to use everything for the first time.

Over those months we used countless bottles, sterilized countless pump parts and nipples, nursed continuously, did endless amounts of laundry, folded every tiny onesie day after day. Then, slowly, the small onesies got packed away. But that was okay! We get to use the other cute clothes we got from our loved ones and picked out while pregnant.

Over time, the pacifier size changed and you start taking less bottles.

Now here I am.

After 13 months of caring for you and loving you, I look around and all of those things we used have slowly been packed away. The last thing on the countertop is your bottle rack. I justified keeping it out because it was extra drying space.

How can a year be so long, and yet so short?

I don’t know how long I felt like I would use these things but it’s crazy that they’re already being packed away in hopes that we get to bring home another baby in the years to come.

Every step of this process has been so beautiful. I want to go back and hug myself on the long nights after the hundredth bottle cleaning or nursing session and tell myself “you did it. You got us here.”

Some nights I wish I could go back and hug my sweet little bump. But it’s okay, Because now I look around and there’s a highchair at the table, a kitchen helper next to the sink, a walker and toys galore all over the living room.

The first year is vital and it feels like it’s the one where we have to make everything perfect to set them up for a good life. But that’s just the first year, a drop of water in the ocean. We get to love these littles and have firsts beyond this first year.

So, I'm packing up the bottle rack.

What a year. 

-Morgan Bratzler